Navigating difficult conversations: The hidden impact of discussing personal matters in the workplace

Discover what makes workplace conversations challenging, from personal topics to power dynamics. Explore key insights from PhD research and learn how to create a supportive environment for navigating difficult discussions with confidence.

Introduction

Difficult conversations at work are an inevitable part of professional life, but the factors that influence their complexity are far from simple. My doctoral research at the University of Hertfordshire explores this phenomenon, combining personal experiences and a scientific, evidence-based approach to uncover why some conversations feel harder than others and what we can do to manage them better.

Why are some conversations so hard?  

We often associate these challenging discussions with areas like performance management, delivering negative feedback or conflict in the workplace. But what if I told you that personal matters hold just as much weight in these uneasy dialogues as professional topics?

From my personal experience, conversations about my health are particularly challenging. Unlike feedback or performance discussions, which I view as collaborative opportunities for growth, talking about personal issues can trigger overwhelming emotions. These conversations feel deeply vulnerable, and the instinct to avoid them is strong.

Curious about whether others feel the same, I designed a study to explore perceptions of conversational difficulty. Participants rated how challenging various scenarios felt, revealing key insights:

Who the conversation is with matters

Conversations with managers are consistently rated as harder than those with peers. Power dynamics, fear of repercussions, and the manager's approach to the discussion influence this difficulty. These findings align with earlier interviews in my research, where participants emphasised how a conversation partner's behaviour and the dynamics of the relationship shape the experience.

The type of conversation matters

Personal conversations—especially those involving sensitive topics, such as ill-health, bereavement or personal struggles—are perceived as harder than work-related discussions. Trust, the strength of the relationship, and the stakes involved all play a role. For example, discussing a personal challenge with a colleague requires a level of trust that work-related conversations might not demand.

Who the conversation is about matters

People find it significantly harder to talk about themselves than to address issues about others. Vulnerability, fear of judgment, and concerns about exposing emotions contribute to this discomfort. It suggests that self-disclosure carries unique challenges in the workplace.

These three elements—who the conversation is with, the type of conversation, and who it is about—interact in complex ways, determining how difficult a conversation feels.

The role of context

Difficult conversations don’t exist in a vacuum. Factors like workplace culture, the nature of relationships, and individual traits all play a role. For instance, a supportive and psychologically safe workplace can make even the toughest conversations more manageable. In contrast, a culture that lacks trust or prioritises judgment over collaboration may exacerbate challenges.

The research findings suggest that having confidence to discuss personal matters is deeply influenced by a safe and supportive environment, coupled with a conversational partner who is empathetic, compassionate, and non-judgmental, rather than cold or dismissive. This dynamic significantly increases the belief in a positive and productive outcome while reducing the tendency to avoid such discussions. Though sensitive topics remain challenging, the assurance of being able to speak openly and without fear of judgment makes a meaningful difference.

Can we make difficult conversations easier?  

My research suggests it’s less about making these conversations “easy” and more about equipping individuals to approach them with confidence. Frameworks and models that provide practical steps for planning and conducting discussions can be helpful, but they are not a cure-all. Without a foundation of trust, psychological safety, and strong workplace relationships, these tools may fall short.

The continuum of difficulty from "hard" to "hardest" is influenced by many factors, including:

• Workplace culture and environment: Does the organisation foster openness and respect?
• Relationships at work: Are trust and mutual understanding present?
• Individual skills and attributes: How equipped are employees and managers equipped to manage their emotions and communicate effectively?

It’s clear that addressing these foundational elements is key to improving experiences with difficult conversations at work, whether about personal matters or more traditional work-related issues and challenges.

Next steps in the research  

As my research continues, I’m focusing on what it means to be “ready” to have a difficult conversation at work. This involves exploring how concepts like psychological safety, emotional intelligence, and a sense of belonging influence our willingness and ability to engage in these discussions.

The ultimate goal is not to eliminate the difficulty of such conversations—some topics will always be challenging. Instead, it’s about creating environments where individuals feel supported, valued, and confident enough to face these moments with clarity and resilience.

Final thoughts

Difficult conversations are a universal workplace challenge, but their complexity lies in the interplay of personal, relational, and contextual factors. While no single solution exists, organisations can take meaningful steps to foster environments where such conversations are approached with empathy and care.

For more information on this research, please contact me via the author details below.

Author

Visiting Lecturer & PhD Student in Psychology, Rachel Smith